Summer Fling

On a warm evening in early September, we said goodbye. I stood outside of my apartment building clinging to you, desperate to memorize your scent and the way your body felt molded against mine. All those months earlier, I'd jumped out of an Uber in the middle of a rainstorm in Harlem, nonchalant and unexpecting. You "got" me from the jump, your sexy stoic nature, matching my whimsical and often outlandish one. Over Sylvia's Soul Food right off of 125th street, I felt my soul reconnecting with an old friend. I was so floored by that feeling that I told you then, on that first date (never one to hold much back) and you laughed, taking no offense because you inherently understood. Long winding walks through the Bronx zoo, pizza and Disney flicks, and milkshakes. The reverence that you showed me and my brown skin, kisses at 4 am, back rubs and black silk sheets and so much freedom to speak; to be me. I floated through those long sticky days; secret smiles a constant on my face.

via GIPHY

I've always thought summer had magical qualities, (perhaps it's because I was born in the middle of July), and that proved true because it brought me you. As I sit in silence now, the scent of my zillion candles wafting through my apartment, I can still see you and hear you; as if your arms were still around me. That loud laughter that you always inspired; bubbling up inside of me begging to be released; desperate to be released.

That's the thing about flings, though; they exist in a magical snow globe of sorts; encasing you in protectively from the world as all of that marvelous joy swirls around you. But inevitably you shake the globe too hard and the glass cracks, splintering up the sides until it shatters completely; leaving you bare and exposed; but wistful and longing nonetheless.

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxo

Image: 20th Century Fox/Carmen Jones

“You're Fine, But You're Simple" (On Dating the Dull & Uninformed)

During this current season of The Mindy Project in the episode entitled “Sk8ter Man” Mindy begins dating a skater in an effort to prove that she’s not a judgmental person.  Now, don’t get me wrong the man is fine. Sadly he is also an utter buffoon. At one point in the episode, Mindy shrieks. “My body is attracted to you body but when you speak my brain gets angry.” I nearly died laughing. But in all seriousness it got me to thinking about how we choose relationships and companions. I thought about how draining these relationships can be if we solely base our interests off of the physical attributes of the other person. I’ve been on a few dull dates with a delicious looking gentleman who only wanted to discuss himself. He droned on and on about something that could have been explained in three minutes. My interest in the man quickly waned, and visuals of his biceps couldn’t incite me aback on a date with him. I soon began declining his invitations out.  

But what if you don’t decline? Can you be so in lust with someone’s outer appearance that you can carry on with a romantic relationship with them despite the disparities in intellectual interests and conversation?  I’m not saying that you have to discuss the merits of Fouquet and all that (quite frankly I still don’t get it), but you should be able to have stimulating conversations that range from debates on the best pizza in the city, to museum experiences, articles and so forth.

I was further reminded of this point a few weeks back. As I glanced about being nosey, I observed a couple. A woman scolded what I assume was her boyfriend from 125th street to Columbus Circle (59^th street) like he was a child. The train was extremely crowded like it always is during rush hour, and instead of holding on to a pole this man (who was well over six feet tall) thought it was appropriate to lean against this much smaller woman. Every time the train stalled he stumbled, nearly knocking her over which in turn knocked everyone else surrounding them off kilter. He whined every time she told him to hold on (he was 30 years old at least!!). I along with everyone else on the train was flabbergasted. If you’ve gotten to the point in your relationship where you have to treat your significant other like a five-year old, I think its best that you let go and find yourself an adult.

I thought about the train couple as I went thru the rest of my day.  I shuttered to think about the type of conversations that they had on a regular basis. Why was she forcing herself to deal wit this type of situation? It has to be exhausting. Not only can you not have an intellectual conversation, you also have to play someone’s parental figure. I acknowledge the fact that we are society plagued by superficial outer appearances, but at what cost? Being with someone who is fine but simple won’t do you any favors in the long run. 

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxox

Why Dating is An Activity and Not A Status

A perpetual lack of communication seems to be the downfall of many relationships, and mostly it’s because we seem to be getting off on the wrong foot to begin with. There’s hooking up, then there’s dating and then there are relationships. These are not one in the same, but for whatever reason we have deluded ourselves into believing that they are. So let’s save one another some heartache and confusion and define these terms, or stages if you will.

Hooking Up

This is basically your friends- with -benefits type of situation. (Disclaimer: I’m 99% certain that this never works. Someone always catches feelings and it nearly always ends poorly).  Hooking up is all about the physical, getting a warm body for the night. This is literally all that it is an all that is should be expected to be. If you are hooking up with someone, you should expect that you are not the only one playing this position at night.  I personally wouldn’t recommend “hooking up” because there are too many diseases, too many fertile people, and quite frankly life is waaaay to short for BAD SEX.  (How many times have you actually been sexually satisfied with a random?) In case you missed the signs, “hooking up” or being in a friends-with-benefits situations means that you are SINGLE.

 

Dating

Now dating is a little different. Dating involves getting to know another person while participating in activities. I’m sorry to burst your bubble but sitting on a couch in someone’s apartment does not a date make. (You could have stayed in the comfort of your own apartment if you were going to sit up and watch Netflix.) But here is where dating gets tricky. Just because you are seeing someone and enjoying your times with him or her does not mean that you are in a relationship with that person. Relationships mean exclusivity. While dating you are free and clear to date however many people you would like. In fact, it is highly recommended.  Get out there and meet a few people. You will learn what you like and what you don’t like. In doing this you will learn what your deal breakers are in relationships and also, what qualities you most desire in a partner. Most importantly, you will learn a lot about yourself.  I’ve heard so many people distraught when thy found out the person they were dating was dating other people. … Ummm, yes they are suppose to be dating other people and quite frankly, so are you.  Assuming that you are in a relationship without any conversation or communication will simply set you up for failure.  After all when you are dating you are SINGLE.

Relationships

A Relationship comes AFTER dating, AFTER getting to know someone for a period of time.  How can you decide you want to be exclusive with someone if you don’t even know him or her? If you’ve only been dating for short period of time then you’ve probably only seen them at their best. I would suggest investing a little more time with a person before jumping into a relationship. And please remember you cannot assume you are in an exclusive relationship with someone unless you’ve had a cleat discussion about it. Once you have this discussion, you are no longer single.

I’ve written all of this in hopes that it will prevent any impending confusion or hurt feelings. If you insist on “hooking up” go in with NO EXPECTATIONS…literally NONE. You really can’t expect much from strangers. If you plan on dating, do just and be honest about it. And if you want to be in a relationship please know that you cannot conduct yourself in as if you are single.

 

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxo

Perhaps, Just Maybe, You Are Doing Too Much

These days people use the word "thirsty" to describe someone who is coated in desperation. This parched individual will go to great lengths for recognition. They spend a great deal of time plotting and scheming in an attempt to capture the prized panties or drawers. Now normally I don't condone using the term thirsty. I personally live for a reliable man. (For example, there is something about Jake from Scandal that does it for me. Perhaps it's because he actually killed someone for Liv, meanwhile all Fitz does is whine, cry and stay married -_-) Anyways, though you may have the best intentions in the world, your actions are quite possibly thirsty, if you are throwing all of your attention on to someone who does not welcome it.

I was thinking about this because of a incident that occurred some Saturdays ago. I'd risen early to go to the Post Office, visiting USPS is like descending into the eighth circle of hell, I should have known no good would come of it. As I headed back to my building shades on, earphones in, Starbucks in hand I heard someone say "HEY THERE!". Now the sunglasses and headphones typically serve as foolish negro repellent. However, due to my traumatic experience at the post office I was off my game. Befuddled I looked up at a buttery yellow smile. My senses were assaulted by the smell of stale cigarettes and moonshine. The fool then proceeded to ask if I was was walking far. I mumbled that I was, and he then rudely took it upon himself to gesture like he would be escorting me. I promptly informed him that I was not interested and began to briskly walk away. To my utter horror the clown bellowed "Are you running away from me?!"

You know that moment when your gut tells you to be on HIGH ALERT. Well that moment happened for me just then. There was something really off about the brother (more off than the fact that his teeth were the color of big bird). I sprinted into the nearest deli and hid behind the shelves. I'd passed up my apartment building  because obviously I didn't want this psycho to know where I lived. After several minutes of hiding behind a large gentleman and calming myself with a Diet Peach Snapple I cautiously made my way home.

As I'm sure you can tell  this man was doing WAAY to much. (Also I'm convinced that he was a serial killer). He was disgusting and overly enthusiastic.

This foolery got me to thinking about how we act in our dating lives. It's very simple really,  if someone is interested in you I'm quite certain that you will have some indication. If they aren't interested you will also know. People have the same 24 hours in the day that you do. If they are interested they will make time, they generally won't run in horror in the other direction, they won't ignore you or treat you poorly. There is no reason to continue to force yourself into their lives when you are so obviously unwanted.

Case in point, a couple of months ago I went out with a guy (ONE TIME). It was a lackluster experience, as many first dates are. He then proceeded to blow me up, acting like we would be married by the summer time. Sir, I don't know you, there is no reason why we need to speak at length every day. He even had the nerve to comment on how expensive dating is. (While I agree, no one told you to date if you can't afford it.) Obviously I thought he was creepy and ridiculous and I finally had to hit him with the "you're a nice guy but..." text.

Desperation is a sickness.  People that want to use you can smell in from miles away. Others who want nothing from you, will look at you in disgust and plot the most swift and safe exit. Once again I live for consistency and reliability but ONLY if the interest is mutual. If you are asking a woman who you just met why you are the only one initiating contact (which you do EVERY SINGLE DAY. Listen anyone can send a generic ass Good Morning text I'm unimpressed),perhaps,  just maybe you are doing too much.

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxo

The 1 Thing I Know About Men

Yes Ma'am !!

I've claimed time and time again that I know nothing about men, and this is still quite true. However, in my twenty-two years of living on this earth I do know two things for certain about the opposite sex. 1. ALL Black men need some form of facial hair. I'm not sure when or how I discovered this but its true. A goatee on a smooth brown/caramel/chocolate/ vanilla  face is everything!!. As much as I love Don Cheadle and House of Lies, his bare face gives me the willies. He looks like a fake plastic doll and it upsets me very much. I can recall the exact day my daddy first came home from the barber without any hair on his face. My mother, sister and I were in the kitchen and I guess I was about twelve. I can still hear my mother gasping and the plate that she was holding going clang in the sink. I just remember my utter shock as I looked at my dad's bare face for the first time in my life... it was traumatic.

Don looks like a snake its very weird :/. I feel the same about Obama, perhaps when he finishes this second term he'll grow it out.

But this post isn't about facial hair. Nope, this post is about the second and only thing that I know about men (black, white, blue or otherwise). 2. As soon as you become involved with someone or your dating life becomes a bit more interesting, men that you haven't seen or heard from since you left them in the Underground Railroad, will miraculously being to reappear!!!.

I know this sounds far fetched but ladies (and gents) I promise you this is soooo true!!!.  Case in point. I've recently put my dating heels back on after a few months hiatus and suddenly my phone is lighting up like the fireworks on NYE. Yesterday alone I got a text from some Negro I NEVER EVEN WENT OUT WITH. Who I talked to on the phone all of ONCE last summer. He's talking about "How was your NYE?!!!" .....Ninja are you serious?!! I didn't have his number saved anymore and I had to ask him who it was. Last week, I received a Merry Christmas from a random number. I stupidly assumed it was one of my classmates whose number I forgot to save in my phone. SMH how wrong I was. It ended up being this creepy ninja who I had a fab conversation with who turned out to be a prostitute (literally I have the worst luck sometimes). Then I got a random email from someone who SHOULD NOT be emailing me asking me how I'm doing.

This ALWAYS happens to me, as soon as I get comfortable or I'm interested in new people some dead and buried skeletons come flying out from under the floor boards. Girl.... I'm not here for it. I guess its some type of pheromone that women emit when they're comfortable. Ponder what I've said yourself, I'm sure that this has happened to you on more than one occasion.

Gentlemen perhaps you can provide me with some insight on why ya'll come popping back up? Is it some twinge in your peen that leads you to pick up the phone after months of no contact? I'm very confused, help a sista out.

Alas, that's all for now, I've just come from le gym and I gotta find some food. xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

So When Are You Gonna Take Me Out?

"if the Dog from Lady and the Tramp had his bi*** eating Italian, a grown ass man can afford to take you out of the neighborhood."-Black Girls Are Easy

So I'm not gonna sit here and lie like, I've never been the come over and chill girl. Luckily, it was at one point in my life when I was 18 and dating this dude that wasn't worth the lint in my belly button so I was able to figure out that life wasn't for me pretty early in life. I've never been the type of girl to feel like I needed a dude or even attention from a dude. I'm not gonna front and act like I don't like it because obviously everyone wants to know that someone is attracted to them or interested in them. After that "relationship" FINALLY ended I didn't talk to a dude for well over six months. And when I did, I talked to this dude who took me out, cooked for me and who was tryna see me everyday. Now it lasted about a summer before we both got annoyed with each other, I was headed back to NYC and I guess he was tired of putting in work without... well you know. But whatever, I was going through some things and I had other things on my mind. That was two summers ago and I haven't been on a date since him. (Aside from this dry ass dude who took me out to dinner in October and who was so dull I nearly fell asleep at the table.)  Dating that last dude taught me a valuable lesson, if a 21 year old college dude can wine and dine me, that a grown ass man surely can. There is no excuse in the world that I should accept. I've had dudes try to play me when they got my number asking me to come over, so on an so forth. Once I politely suggested going out, some never spoke to me again  and one ignorant negro even suggested that if we were gonna go out then I'd have to pay my own way. As I've said previously, I can always take myself out and I do quite often, so why then should I sit through some dull ass conversation with a stingy ignorant mf, when I still have to pay my own way. SMH.  Obviously I would love a companion, my Love Jones DVD is quite run down and there's only so many times I can sit at home with my Daddy and watch PBS renditions of Pride and Prejudice. I have enough time most evening to paint my nails a variety of different colors and catch up on several episodes of tv. But these past two years I've realized that I'm fairly comfortable just doing me. I refuse to be pressed just lending my time out to any ninja that looks my way. All I know is the next time I'm frustrated or upset with some dude, its not gonna be because I'm all dressed up sitting on his couch eating some stale Wendy's while he's playing his playstation. SMH. As for right now, I'm planning my August trip to Jamaica, apartment hunting and saving my money for my 2013 trip to Paris. As usual, @8plus9 says it better than I ever could: Dating vs. Come Over and Chill

xoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxo PS. Even Alfalfa put in work

Why is marriage a goal?

I'm sure this will be real dope when/if the time comes :)

So I'm done with undergrad!!!!!!!!. I've been twiddling my thumbs waiting for graduation so I can begin the next epic puzzle to my life .  I now have a lot of time to think and hopefully now to blog.

One of my best friends called me today and we had like a two hour long covo, trying to catch each other up about whats been going on in our lives. She was telling me about a guy she had recently stopped dating and she was also telling me that she's not sure if she wants to continue on the career path that she's been setting up for herself.  I in epic fashion told her to do what she wants, to do what makes her happy because honestly, life is too short to make choices based on someone else expectations. But something else she said really bothered me. She told me that she was feeling some type of way because in her four years at college, she really hadn't found anyone epic and that in terms of marriage things are looking rather bleak.  Her parents meet in college and got married shortly thereafter. I know a few girls myself that are engaged, married or have been married for sometime. I think its wonderful if you find someone pretty early on in life that you can't imagine living without but why is marriage still the ultimate goal for young women in 2012? My girlfriends are beautiful, educated, lovely people and we have a real opportunity to carve out epic lives  for ourselves. There are so many places to see and so many things to do. Obviously being single isn't exactly super fun all of the time and companionship love and relationships are wonderful. But marriage? To be really real about it as of right now 60% of all women in the US will never get married.

Marriage super serious step to me nobody is tryna go out like Kim K and her pathetic 72 days. I would rather be with someone for years and years,  than jump over a broom because society told me that was the "proper" thing to do.  I think its beautiful to want to spend your life with someone else, but in your early twenties if you haven't found that yet then, you certainly shouldn't feel like you're missing out on something. I guess I'm a go with the flow type of gal. Marriage may be in my far future but if its not I'm certainly not gonna sweat it now. Instead, in the next few months I'm going to Disney World, moving to Harlem and going to graduate school.

I think instead of marriage, happiness should be a major goal and hopefully some lucky guy will fit into that picture whether your legally tied to him or not

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxox

Why It's Important to Have Standards When Dating

Why Vivica???? Why????

Let me begin this post by clarifying, I probably have no authority on this topic because men confuse me, this is just what I've noticed and how I really feel.

So the general public is telling women, Black women in particular that our standards are set too high and that if we continue to look for a "perfect" mate then we are destined to be alone. Honestly, I really don't know anybody looking for perfection, so in general that seems like a ridiculously inaccurate statement.  I know for instance that I'm not perfect, so to seek perfection would therefore be hypocritical. I'm just looking for someone to add his 50% to my 50% (romantical isn't it?).  Alas, while I do not seek perfection I do indeed have standards, but they are no higher then the standards that I set for myself as an individual. I'll admit that I've not always stuck to those standards, and usually in the beginning, the fellow and I get along swimmingly. However, because I've lowered my standards things usually implode resulting in foolery.com In the end I usually end up kicking myself for not sticking to my standards in the first place.

Some things simply generally disgust me. Well maybe disgust is a strong word. I'll just say that for whatever reasons these particular things that some men do turn me off to the maximum power and their is a 99.99% chance that  I wouldn't respond favorably to them if approached. However, to be fair to myself, I'm sure this is true of all members of the human race when it comes to their dating lives.  Some things that I generally can't wrap my mind around are men with nappy braids ( though I do have a slight fetish for dreads :)), those who wear thong toed sandals, men who wear wet wash clothes on their heads in the summer, smokers, men with long fingernails, and men with a general dirty look about them. (Whatever that may mean.)

I know its HOT but, come on.

However, I'm not a stigler for some other things that many women are a stigler for. Guys I talk to don't necessarily need to have a college degrees. Let me be real, the majority of the college educated dudes in my age group (especially  Black men who attend my university) are diva dudes who wouldn't know chivalry or how to treat a woman if it slapped them in the face. Its like they actually buy  into W.E.B Du Bois idea of the talented tenth, and they seem to be under the illusion that they are God's gift to Black Women. SMH. But anyway back to what I was saying, I honestly don't feel that college is for everyone. Some people have the intuition and networking skills  to do what they are passionate about without it.  However, in that same vain, I also know people (not just men) who completely lack ambition and I find that sad and pathetic. I personally know that I strive to do better and better with each coming year. I also know that I would never be content living paycheck to pay check or a dead end job. (Being comfortable in my opinion means having the means to get all the important stuff taken care of with room to party, shop, travel, etc.) Therefore, I would never be compatible in the long run with someone who was comfortable living that type of lifestyle. Being open does not mean completely throwing away all of your values.

You know what else it totally horrific? BAD KISSERS (Bleech). I dated a guy for a long time who was a bad kisser, silly me I thought it would get better.....yeah it definitely didn't.  Like Samantha said in Le Sex et Le Citie,  "if his tongue just lays there then what do you think his ... is gonna do?"

I say go ahead people lets set our standards and stick with them, it'll spare all of us a bunch of hurt feelings in the end.  If you don't date women who wear weaves, or men with kids, or Black women, or White men, or people who eat meat or, New Yorkers or whatever it is that boils your blood I say let it be known. I'm sure the people who fit into those particular categories are more than happy to move on to the next one, instead of dealing with whatever particular hang ups you may have about something that they aren't gonna change in the foreseeable future.

PS. I wrote the post mostly because I attempted to contemplate talking to perhaps the hoodest dude possible in the hopes of being more open in my dating life. I tried to wrap my head around the hood jewelry, the rims on his car, the permanent black and mild on his ear. But then he gave me a pet name......Blackberry -_-. I knew I couldn't deal from that moment forward.

xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City

You Change and You Grow, But We Were Young And We Didn't Know. (Why Being Single Is Ok and Sometimes Necessary)

My bestie JanellofALife and I have this reoccurring conversation on occasion about the single life and what it means to be in meaningful relationships. I'm going to say meaningful because, most of the time in your 20's you're just discovering who you are, and the people that you date during that time help define who you are. (I'm not saying that you can't find "the one" at this age, because I know a couple of happy married couples that are my age, but really what is the rush?) When I was sixteen I met a boy, and that boy changed everything for me. Looking back now it was only eight months out of my life, but through that intense and very blinding haze  I loved him and he loved me back). It ended as quickly as it began. just like most teenage love affairs but, my world will be forever shifted by that my first real relationship. Now I've had one other relationship since then, that to be honest is not worth mentioning and I've dated a couple of guys in between. But the majority of the last five years I've spent being single and I think because of that, I feel like I've gotten to know exactly who I am without anyone clouding my judgement. I have always been a firm believer in taking some time to be alone after the end of any relationship. I think its important to heal and evaluate what occurred in that relationship. I also think this time alone, prevents you from jumping back into something intense with the any fool that smiles your way.  I'm not going to sit here and pretend that being single  is all fun and games, of course it gets lonely and even dull. But embracing it can be very exciting. You can "do you" as they say without worrying what your partner might think. I thinking dating different types of people without a serious commitment is also very important. Honestly, I feel that society is trying to panic everyone into finding the perfect mate, but, you twenties should really be all about you, your career, education, travel etc. The majority of people I know my age in a serious relationship are continually going through some drama that makes my head hurt to just think about it,. Whatever happened to just having fun? Whatever happened to getting to know someone? The thing I realized and that my mama was always trying to tell me is that though relationships are work, no one should be making you feel bad and you should be happy or at the very least content 98% of the time. If  you're not happy really what are you doing? The point is I guess that at this age we're still growing and changing, you damn well better be sure that you're with someone who has the same ambition as you. Someone who can grow and change with you. I'm sorry for this sappy ass blog post, I've clearly been watching too much One Tree Hill and listening to too much Adele but, I think that if eventually (like in your late twenties and thirties) you want to end up with this amazing person then embrace your life right now do what makes you happy whether its with someone who can go on that journey with you or if you're attempting to navigate through your life by yourself. Nobody can fix you, you have to fix yourself.  It's 2011, we having a pretty decent life expectancy so why rush?

My Top Priorities For the Next Five Years

1. Graduate NYU 2. Grad School 3. My Own Apartment/Condo 4. Job I Love 5. Go to Paris 6. Louboutins

If Chivalry is Dead then I'm Embracing the Single Life

Because these are my last days off before my summer job begins on Monday, I was lounging around and reading old posts from my favorite blog Very Smart Brothas If you haven't checked them out then do it NOW you NEED THIS IN YOUR LIFE. Anywhoo this particular post was about the dreaded diva dude which I'm sure every woman of dating age no matter what race has had the misfortune of coming across. (Peep the Post) Though the entire post was HIGHlarious as usual. I was most interested in bullet point number five. "They are not chilvourous and proud of it". I'm sorry when did this come the norm. Perhaps because Nightline and fools like Steve Harvey continually tell Black women we need to adjust ourselves if we expect to get a ring on it, when clearly numbers wise we seem to be the ones with our lives together, ring or no ring. (And for that matter I know many young Black couples who are married) But that's another discussion for another day. Some dudes now a days act like you expecting them to take you out for a decent meal is like asking for a kidney, their life savings, mama's address and last name. Really dude? You asked me out I was simply expecting some crab cakes from red lobster and maybe a sprite. Let me set the record straight, I have a job I work very hard and can afford to take myself out whenever I wish but if I am invited out a date I expect a man to at least cover the meal. ( Don't get me wrong, I'm going to be polite and reach for my wallet I'm definatly not stuck up or snobby but I got all dressed up to go Dutch? SMH I dont think so. I could've ordered a pizza and watched Love Jones) Going DUTCH is NOT A DATE especially on the first outing (Yes I realize that this is a recession but dudes need to learn to be creative with their money, ever heard of asking a woman out for just dessert? Or maybe go out to dinner and rent a movie from Netflix instead of spending $12.50/person on the show) I bring this subject up because this dude I talked to years ago had been texting me talking about how he wanted to see me so bad etc (side eye). I'm like cool we can go to dinner. He then precedes to text 50/50? I'm like negative. He goes "you just a friend". (Barely) But, the fact of the matter is I'm still a woman and you the one tryna see me. After he called me cheap I promptly told him I was more than happy to take myself out whenever I wished he told me to go then and I told him that I would. (Yes I know a waste of my good unlimited txt msg plan). A week later after not hearing from me he txt me threatening to delete my number. Which he probably did, but whatever. Maybe I'm crazy but thats crazy ridiculous. Dudes barely get out the car and ring the damn bell or open doors anymore. I do realize that all men are not like this, the last dude I dated was really cool and very chivalrous and we're still cool now which I appreciate. Maybe its true and its hard out here for women these days but I'm def not gonna lower my standards cuz you a fool or some naive woman (yes I was naive once too, let you get away with your foolywag). As verysmartbrothas so wonderfully stated, part of being a grown man (and a grown woman) is doing the right thing without any expectation of acknowledgment or reward. DELAYED GRATIFICATION= MATURITY. Therefore I will not be going out with any of these fools and other single women I hope you don't either because like me I'm sure you can head over to the Cheesecake Factory with your girls and order your stuffed chicken enchiladas with a sprite any time you wish.