A Seat at the Table: The Diaspora Dialogues' International Women Of Power Luncheon

The cloudy skies and crisp air hoving around Los Angeles were a blatant indication that a new time is brewing in Hollywood. On the heels of #OscarsSoWhite, and the watershed year that has birthed the Time's Up movement and reinvigorated Tamara Burke's #MeToo movement -- Black women continue to be ahead of the curve. During Oscar's weekend, various parties and events were happening all over LA, but executive producer and media maven Koshie Mills' International Women Of Power Event presented by The Diaspora Dialogues was a celebration of women of the African diaspora who are often looked over during awards season. A lush event hosted by Destiny's Child alum Michelle Williams and held at the Marriott in Marina Del Rey, celebrities, activists and attendees gathered to celebrate several powerful women who have impacted those in the diaspora on a global scale. Mills who owns the consulting and public relations firm K3PR wanted to honor women in Entertainment, Business, Beauty, Music, and Fashion.

"I wanted to create a culturally enriched authentic experience with a female aesthetic, where a mosaic of women from the continent and the diaspora can converge, bond, share, uplift, empower and embrace each other's diverse experiences in one room," Mills reflected. "This is an opportunity for everyone looking at Africa and its Diaspora to see how African women are not only beautiful, regal, intelligent, powerful, resourceful and resilient; we are owning our own narrative and reclaiming our Queendom for the world to see."

Continue reading at Shadow and Act.

Why Is There No Black Press At The Sundance Film Festival?

Sundance is the most prominent film festival in North America with thousands of films screening each year. This year, Black representation in the programming slate has been explosive. From projects like Sorry to Bother You, Blindspotting, Hale County: This Morning, This Evening, Two Dope Queens, Francesca and many others, there are so many projects to screen and write about — effectively putting them on the world's radar before many of them even receive distribution. However, as I stood in the press lines each day, or in waiting rooms before my interviews, I was one of the only people color. Aside from Black Girls Nerds Editor-in-Chief Jamie Broadnax, and her crew, Sundance seemed void of writers from Black publications covering the various films and events. But why is that this case?

On Sunday, the fourth day of Sundance 2018, I sat in a packed theater having just screened the forthcoming Netflix film, Come Sunday. The film stars Chiwetel Ejiofor, Condola Rashad, Danny Glover and Lakeith Stanfield and tells the true story of Bishop Carlton Pearson, an evangelical megastar whose life-altering epiphany shifts his entire theology. The film stemmed from an episode of NPR’s This American Life. Though the film boasts almost an entirely Black cast, the director, writers and producers were all white. Both the cast and crew were on stage for a Q&A after the screening, when someone from the majority white audience blurted out, “We want to hear the people of color speak on stage, no more white people!" The crowd immediately quieted until Stanfield took the mic and jokingly broke the awkward silence. Up until that point, none of the actors of color has spoken.  As I chuckled to myself, I realized, that however uncomfortable that moment may have been, it raised several questions about Black stories and who gets to present and speak about them to the world.

Continue reading at Shadow and Act.

Aramide Tinubu Moderates ‘Miss Sharon Jones!’ ‘Apple Talk’ w/ Sharon Jones & Director Barbara Koppl

WATCH THE APPLE TALK HERE

She’s been called the female James Brown, and if you haven’t heard her voice yet, when you finally do, your soul will recognize it. Grammy Award nominated soul singer, Sharon Jones (of Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings) will be at the Apple Store in SoHo NYC with Academy Award winning director, Barbara Kopple on Tuesday, July 26th at 5PM ET.

The duo will be discussing the documentary “Miss Sharon Jones!”, which is set to debut in theaters Friday, July 29th. Clips from the film will be shown, and there will be discussions about Sharon Jones’ midlife rise to stardom, despite being continually turned away in the entertainment business.  We will also discuss her continued battle with cancer, her ongoing tour, as well as her new single “I’m Still Here”. I will be moderating the ‘Apple Talks’’Q&A, which will also be recorded for iTunes’ “Meet the Filmmaker” Podcast.

For more information, and to RSVP for the event, please click here.

Image: Apple

Visiting the Curaçao Set for Ernest Dickerson’s Latest Feature Film 'Double Play' Was a Journey Rife With History and Understanding

History is often told through the perspective of those who are in power. So much of what is written erases the experiences of those who are marginalized in society. With his arresting and groundbreaking novel, “Double Play”; Curaçaoan author Frank Martinus Arion gave the world a unique view into the island of Curaçao and its culture. Nearly 45 years after the novel was first published, acclaimed Director Ernest Dickerson (“Juice”, “The Wire”, “The Walking Dead”) and Executive Producer Lisa Cortes (“Precious”) are bringing this story to the big screen. Using Curaçao not only as a backdrop for the story, but also weaving its traditions throughout this exquisite tale, Dickerson and his team have begun bringing this story to life.

Shadow and Act was recently invited to visit the set of “Double Play” in Curaçao where I spoke with Dickerson, Cortes, and the majority of the film’s cast.

tepping foot on the tiny island, which is recognized as a country within the Kingdom of the Netherlands, the richness of the place is evident. The multitude of colors and faces shows a story of migration, enslavement, perseverance and settlement. On the journey to the set, we encountered both half constructed homes with crumbling facades, along with much larger buildings behind gates.  This paradox raises a number of questions and begs that Curaçao’s past be told.

“Double Play” is a story of an older gentleman named Ostrik, his return home to Curaçao after many years away, and his childhood reflections. Set around a daylong game of dominos played between Ostrik’s father Bubu and four of his friends, in 1973, Ostrik recalls the events that dramatically shaped his formative years. Black men congregating within competitive spaces is an age-old scenario. However, the combative nature of Curaçaoan dominos makes this setting all the more unique.

Continue reading at Shadow and Act.

Image: E.J. Dickerson

Makes Me Want To Holler

"The New Age of Slavery" by Patrick Campbell

I feel like I've been trying to write this post for at least two years, I just don’t know what to say. What is there to say? It’s like having a festering sore on your skin that never heals so in a way you become used to the pain; the constant irritation. And then every few months (or weeks or even days) someone comes along and sticks a knife in that never-healed sore plunging it back and forth, until the pain because some acute that you become numb. The numbness is for self-preservation. The numbness allows you to get out of bed in the morning; the numbness is what gets you through the day. The numbness allows you to wear the mask, to tolerate oblivious white faces that don't bother to know, or care or even attempt to understand because they never had to.  So I've been trying to write this post since Travyon Martin was murdered or maybe even before. Perhaps, I’ve been trying to say something since the day I realized that I was Black and what that meant. I have no answers, but here are some things that I've been thinking. The words bring me no solace but I cannot allow myself to continue to feel numb.

The day that George Zimmerman was acquitted of murdering Trayvon Martian was my 23rd birthday. I was in Brooklyn celebrating with some friends. Stunned beyond belief, I said my hasty goodbyes and wept silently on the train back to Harlem. The Monday it was announced that the man who murdered Mike Brown would not be charged with his murder, I was in a screening for the upcoming film, A Most Violent Year. My friend and I were ignoring the Q&A with the actors and crew frantically checking our phones. I'd been in a state of unease since they'd announced they had a decision earlier that afternoon. My friend got a Google Alert and showed me that there would be no indictment. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I had been holding, and I waited for my feelings to settle. I wanted to feel shocked or riled up. Instead, I felt numb; I wasn't surprised, I was simply heartbroken.  I checked my twitter feed when I got home just to see what people were saying, I retweeted some things, tweeted some of my thoughts and then I just sat in my bed and stared at the wall in my quiet apartment. I didn't walk to the protest on 125th Street, I didn't write anything, I simply stared off into space because what more could I do?

Wednesday it was announced that the police officer that murdered Eric Garner by using an illegal chokehold, as the now deceased man gasped for breath would not even be indicted, despite the fact that the murder was caught on tape. I left work with a migraine, one that had been in the back on my head since that morning. On my way home I stood back observing as protesters "died in" at Grand Central before slipping back into the crowd. Following Trayvon’s death I walked and marched, but I didn’t do that on Wednesday.

I sobbed in my chair at the cinema as I watched Fruitvale Stationand 12 Years A Slave (which I saw twice.) I wept again a few weeks ago at a screening of Ava's DuVernay Selma. Films have always stripped me bar; perhaps that's why I'm so drawn to them. I guess those tears and these words are because of how familiar these images have become. How devalued and dehumanized that black people are, how black men are still painted as monstrous and seem to only be valued for their athleticism (almost to a fault). It is 2014 and we are still being strung up in trees while racist white people and uncle tom blacks who have be "invited" to the party, laugh out of their green lawns with their blankets and picnics baskets, smiling jovially and laughing as our rotting and mangled bodies swing from the trees. (Literally and figuratively.) While we holler and weep they take their selfies and check their social media pages.

Years ago, Harry Belafonte called out the biggest Black entertainers (Jay, Bey, Ye, etc) and asked where they were? He said that they hadn't done enough, that they weren't present. And he's so correct. Mr. Belafonte walked across the bridge with MLK from Selma to Montgomery. So where are they, they have all of the platform in the world. Instead they’re sitting in their glass houses protected, sending the same posts that we post and repost over social media. Where are we? What is this? Where am I? Where is our President when we need him to tell the truth? I've always defended him and its true I see the pain in his eyes when he speaks, the weariness that he projects. I'm not so foolish to say that he’s immune. But I need him to speak; we need to hear from him.  We desperately need this. We need it because Black men (and women) are being slaughtered and I'm tired of hearing Black people weep; of hearing Black mothers sobs because the boys that they’ve carried in their wombs were snatched from this earth before they even knew who they were or what they could become. 

I am weary. I am tired. The fact that Black men are continually labeled as monstrous or demonic is baffling to me. Black men have always been my saviors. My daddy, with his dark dark brown skin was a force to be reckoned with. The men I love, who are my safe place, my brother and cousins and friends. The man who I've been in love with, the men who I've been infatuated with, who have been my lovers and confidants who’ve held me when I wept, and laughed with me and dragged me outside of my comfort zone have been Black men. They've broken my heart and protected me and have pissed me off. But they've always been a constant in my life, always steady looking out for me, opening doors and cars and complimenting. They have been some of the people who I’ve loved and adored most in this world. They are some of the most beautiful and tormented people. And through their struggle is different then my own I've always understood. The attacks on them have been an attack on me. This is terrorism to ALL black people, to black families, to communities of color. I've always been aware. EVERY SINGLE MAN I've dated has had a story about a cop pulling a gun out on him. Not just arresting him or pulling him over but literally having a gun shoved in his face. 

I’m not sure what else to say, other then I don’t think I can ever bring any babies into this world. I’ve lost my parents; I couldn’t risk losing a child I'd never recover... Some days I'm barely hanging on as it is. All of these words I just wrote mean nothing... This whole situation, this whole place, these lives lost. It just makes me want to holler

A mural in my neighborhood. Harlem, NYC.

Chocolate Girl in the City

2014:

Tamir Rice

Cameron Tillman

Victor White III

Dante Parker

Ezeil Ford

VonDerrit Myers Jr.

Laquan McDonald

Michael Brown

Tyree Woodson

John Crawford II

Quesan Whitten

Miguel Benton

Dillon McGee

Diana Showman

Levi Weaver

Carey Smith-Viramontes

Eric Garner

Yvette Smith

Jordan Barer

Jeffery Holden

Karen WCifunetes

Sergio Ramos

Rodhad McIntosh

2013

Barrington Williams

Carlos Alcis

Deion  Fludd

Jonathan Ferrell

Kimani Gray

Kyam Livingdton

Larry Eugene Jackson Jr.

Miriam Carey

2012

Chavis Carter

Dante Prce

Duane Brwn

Ervin  Jefferson

Jersey Green

Johnnie Kamahi Warin

Justin Slipp

Kendrec mcDafe

Malissa Williams

Nehemiah Dillard

Ramarley Graham

Raymond Allen

Rekia Boyd

Reynaldo Cuevas

Robert Dumas Jr

Sgt. Manual Loggins Jr

Shantel Davis Sharmel Edwards

Shereese Francis

Tamon Robinson

Timothy Russel

Wendell Allen

2011

Alonzo Ashley

Jimmell Cannon

Kenneth Chamberlin

Kenneth Harding

Rahiem Brown

Reginald Doucet

2010

Aaron Campbell

Alyana Jones

Danroy Henry

Derrick Jones

Steven Edugene Washington

2009

Kiwane Carrington

Oscar Grant

Shem Walker

Victor Steen

2008

Tarika Wilson

2007

DeAunta Terrel Farrow

 

2006

Sean Bell

 

And thousands and thousands of others.

I Am NOT A Colorless Person

I’d like to start off by saying that however, Raven would like to label herself is her right. (I would say her Black ass right, but she don’t want to be labeled as such so I’m gonna go ahead and respect home girl’s wishes.) What is interesting though, (and Crissle pointed this out on my favorite podcast The Read) is that people want to throw away labels ONLY when they are labels that are devalued in society. (Everybody want to be a nigga but don’t nobody want to be nigga.)  A rich, fine, intelligent billionaire never says, “Oh no, no, no please don’t call me rich, fine or intelligent. I don’t want to be labeled.”

So as I said I’ve got no beef with Raven and her lack of labels. Hell this fool Mike Tirico from ESPN claims to be 100& Italian. (Real tears.) If he wants to live in a delusional cloud of foolishness then by all means I say go on ahead boo. (Though I do hope he realizes that if this was 1815 he wouldn’t be talking about none of this. He would be right next to me in all of chocolate glory trying to pick some cotton, or grow some tobacco, or cultivate some sugar. He wouldn’t have even passed the test to be helping in the big house.) But its 2014….so be Italian if you want to.

Mike Trico

What did aggravate me and irritate me is when Raven said, “I’m an American, and that’s a colorless person.”……  0_O

 I’m sorry what?!!!!  Ms. Raven, while you were playing Olivia on The Cosby Show(the most successful BLACK sitcom of all time), did you not have a tutor? Perhaps you missed a few lessons. Being American is the opposite of being colorless. Ain’t you learn about how we’re supposedly this melting pot of cultures, people and ideas? Were you not taught that wars were fought , that people have marched and died, have been assassinated, exterminated, interned, removed, violated, lynched ,and on and on because color is labeled as other and other apparently fosters fear and hatred.

I am not a colorless person. Colorlessness evokes erasure and as Viola Davis recent stated after that simple-minded New York Times article. “You can’t erase ME!.”

I grew up on the South Side of Chicago (Chicago is extremely segregated still, so my neighborhood was predominantly Black.) I went to an all Black elementary school and middle school. Black history month was huge for us, we had Black Santa’s and figurines at Christmas, we had subscriptions to Ebony and Essence. I know the Black national anthem and I know all the colors on the Black American flag and what they stand for.  I’m well versed in Black history, I know where my Mama’s people came from(Mississippi) and I also know they came to Chicago during the Great Migration. My mama was ten when MLK was assassinated. She remembered that day, I remember that day through the stories she’s told me.  I understand from listening to my elders; my Big Daddy, and my aunts and uncles. I am a fervent reader. I watch a ton of documentaries on Blackness and Black history. I understand the historical significance of Nigger, Negro, African American, Nigga and Black, My dad was Nigerian and he was very ingrained in his culture as well. Blackness raised me, it is in me, I live it and I breathe it. My skin is extremely dark brown. It’s there always visible, ever-present. I can’t remove it, would never want to even if I could. I have been teased and tormented for it. I’ve been praised and sexualized because of it. I can barely find foundation and drawers to match my nude. I can’t contour my face because of it.

So I embrace my labels, because they were earned with my ancestors’ blood and tears and perseverance. My humanity is still being fought for, look to Ferguson or Florida, just flip on the news or walk around any major city.

I am not colorless, I am Black, visible and present. I refuse to be shoved into the background.  

I’m an introverted extrovert.

I have dark skin.

I am boisterous.

I am humorous.

I am raunchy and free.

I am a bookwork.

I am a Chicagoan and a Harlemite,

I am more hetro then homo

I am young

I am a woman,

I am a Black woman,

I am a feminist,

I am happy

I am parentless

I am childless

I am curvy

I am Nigerian

and yes I am also an American but certainly not colorless.

 xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxox

All Around the World They Hurt Little Girls

"All around the world they hurt little girls" ~ Cersei  Game of Thrones

I'm not really comfortable speaking on global issues. I have my opinions of course but to be honest I shy away from watching the news. I stay current thru the media and social networks but I honestly feel that I don't have the mental capacity to cope with all of the horrific atrocities that occur globally on a daily basis. It's enough to test anyone's faith.

My father was Nigerian. He grew up in Lagos. Unfortunately, I know very little about his childhood and upbringing. I do know from history books that the Nigerian government is as corrupt as they come and they’ve been that way for an extremely long time. I can't even begin to understand what those nearly 300 girls are going thru. As a people, we always say that we don't want history to repay itself but it will. It will as long as some human lives are valued over others. It will as long as men continue to see women as commodities, objects for their sexual and viewing pleasure; women of color especially. There is no group of people more ignored, neglected and marginalized then women of color. I won't get into the fact that the media didn't even pick up the story of the Nigerian girls until 2 weeks after they were abducted. Perhaps I've become cynical we can write and hashtag #BringBackOurGirls but the way I see it aside from prayer (if that’s something that you believe), there is no comfort we can bring these girls and their families. Unless some major government or military steps in with force nothing will happen and nothing will change.

Which brings me to something else that I saw recently. There was a photograph of 13-year-old Willow Smith with some 20-year-old grown man in bed with her. I know that many people found no issue with the picture but I found the image disturbing. Is this now acceptable to us? There has to be a line drawn at some point. I haven't cared for Will and Jada for years. That's not to knock what they've done in the past but they've become caricatures of their former selves. Obviously Hollywood breeds delusions, which is obvious in how out of touch their children are with reality. But whateva that’s just my opinion and everyone has one. What I do take issue with is having your girl child lie up in the bed with a grown ass man. Where do u draw the line? Is there no line anymore? There's art and then there are delusions. Little black girls are sexualized, used and abused enough. For your parents to co-sign on your sexplotation is beyond foul. The Smiths are selling their child for what? For coin? For relevance? It’s not like she was chilling with her brother or her cousins or even somebody her own age. I don’t get it and I’d label myself as extremely liberal.

 I've spoken before about white feminist ideals and how they've irritated me. Writers in Jezebel and other outlets of white female privilege enjoy looking down upon the Rhiannas and Beyoncés. They suck their teeth and call them whores while, while standing on their pedestals knowing nothing of the history of women of color; especially Black women. But I digress; Willow Smith is not a woman. She is not Beyonce, Rhianna or even Miley Cyrus (all grown women). She is a little girl. The image is disturbing. Why is no one crying standing on their platform asking questions about that?

But you know what, it seems that we are a society that has become immune to violence. During the past couple of week there was several new stories about Black men enacting violence upon women. From Columbus Short to Floyd Mayweather, there was something new everyday. We sit back and make memes and troll World Star Hip Hop. We make comments on video recording and speculate about the drama surrounding other people’s lives. The crazy thing is, we seem to be excusing violence (I’ll admit that even I have in the past), we argue that such-and-such person must have been provoked, or that he/she deserved what they got. Where do u draw the line? Is there no line anymore? When did it become ok for people to attack one another instead of being adults and talking about their issues? Better still, it seems best to just stay away from people who are toxic and who threaten your emotional and physical well-being. A lesson that can be learned from yesterday’s leaked footage; no one should be attacking anyone else unless you are defending yourself or offspring.

The other day I was waiting for my friend in a bar. The news was playing on the tv. Apparently, Monica Lewinsky did a story with Vanity Fair looking back on her affair with Clinton and how it's affected her. She's now 40 years old; she was 23 at the time of the incident, the same age that I am now. Obviously she was grown enough to know better but she was still young and obviously naïve. (I honestly think that her privilege helped fuel her naivety.) Obviously, her reputation has been trashed for life while Clinton will go down in history as a fairly dope president. He'll certainly get a better rap than Obama despite many of his questionable policies. Today's Monica Lewsinkys are a dime a dozen. From Tiger Woods mistress to V. Stiviano.

I'm not sure why Ms. Lewinsky thought it was a good time to talk about her life to anyone at this point. Certainly her life has been difficult she'll never be able to run away from that incident. I really can’t understand why she didn’t change her name, or even her appearance in any real way. I'm not saying Lewinsky’s life has been easy I'm sure it hasn't. Women are never praised for being sexually notorious. I'll even add that time has done her well. But as I looked at her photographs from the interview all I can do is pity her. She discusses the fact that nobody ever fought for her. No “feminist group” ever stood up for her. And I suppose that’s the disparity then isn’t it? As a Black feminist I’ve always understood that no one is going to fight for you or save you. You have to save yourself. It’s a lesson that unfortunately Lewinisky never learned.

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxox

The World Is Not Against You: Why You Need To Stop Acting Like The Prepetual Victim

Quite often, I scroll through my social media pages and stumble across the most self-involved, disgusting thoughts imaginable.

I’m not here to address the self-absorbed, selfie-obsessed society that social media has created, but rather, those who use Twitter and Facebook as substitutes for their middle school diaries.

It’s true that depression and mental illness are very real; however, oftentimes the people who write these self-loathing manifestos are merely victimizing themselves about the unfair world in which they live.

Here are some specific examples of the egregious over-shares and suggestions on how to correct this insufferable outlook on life.

Continue Reading Here at EliteDaily.Com

Giving the Side Eye to Side Kids

Girl, I Can't!

"If you want to be single, be single. If you want to be in a relationship, understand that you can not conduct yourself as if you are single, or you will be single again" - Demetria Lucas

Ever since that story dropped about a certain athlete and his "side baby" I've been waiting to write about this subject. Since then, other reports have arisen about other celebrities and I constantly hear of the same nonsense on relationship blogs. The newest report on a side baby is about a certain rapper and his wife who have a full ass TV show about their family. (Reports have yet to be confirmed.)

Let me first say that if the situations were reversed in ANY of these stories (if a certain actress had gotten pregnant by another man while on a "break" with her bf), or if any of the women involved in these stories had gotten pregnant by a man she wasn't in a relationship  with she would have been dragged by her edges around the world. Men everywhere would have called her every foul name they could think of. (Think about it, people have being calling BEY, a married woman with a child, "Whore Beyoncé" since her new album dropped). Let me also say that "breaks" are bullshit. either you are in  relationship or you aren't in my opinion its very simple, people just make ish complicated. I'm not above believing that this whole "break" garbage was invented as a cover up in order that both parties may save a bit of face. 

But here's the thing sis, none of the men involved in these situations are acting like they've done anything wrong. Yes,  everyone makes mistakes but chile this is a moral failing. Not only are you completely disrespectful and carrying on long deceits, you are putting others physical and emotional health at risk.  It has been my experience that men who strap up ALWAYS strap up and men who don't always try and find an excuse not to. Clearly there is no latex shortage if you are in fact too weak-willed to be faithful. It is the VERY LEAST you can do if you're gonna step out.

My question then becomes why be in a relationship? Why get married? Why not be like certain A-List actors who have entire fleets of supermodels lounging about on their yachts? Ain't nobody MAD at that. If you're not about that monogamy life then by all means. DON'T  BE ABOUT IT!. If you pretend that marriage and monogamy is what you want then,  it literally becomes what my bestie proclaimed as " an elaborate scheme to humiliate your wife/girlfriend/partner". The other side of this is that they're are children involved. (Children model what they SEE not necessarily what they are TOLD.)

What kills me is that often times these men want to boast about what good fathers they are and how they take care of their kids and so forth. (Honestly I'm not here for giving praise to people who do what they're suppose to do. It's just like when my daddy didn't see it for celebrating my high school graduation LOL). But back to these kids, so you're such a good parent but this is the life you choose to show your children. You show your boys that they can treat women like disposable Kleenex and you choose to show your daughters that men can treat them any old raggedy kind of way and their suppose to just accept it.

I don't care what anyone says, as a person coming from a home of "divorce" a lot of how I behave in relationships is patterned off of both my parent's relationship and how my relationship was with my father. Some of those bad habits are so deeply ingrained that it took me awhile to recognize them and its a battle every day to break the bad habits.

Still, there are two sides to every coin so I'll take these moment to address the women who find themselves in these horrific situations. My bestie told me, "Women are selling themselves short and its disgusting". (How women conduct themselves on reality shows is not helping and its nothing that you should be modeling your behavior after.) 

First to the "other woman" who finds herself pregnant and an unwelcome third party in someone else's relationship. I'll never understand women who go after someone else man its, weak minded an disgusting. Is this your end game, to be at the end of someone's list, to be a thorn in someone's backside? That's really what you're on? That's how you want to raise your children. If its money that you're seeking can you at least get with someone whose single? (Or better still how about you hustle with something other than your uterus?) I realize that everyone isn't raised in households where they see positive, loving relationships so that idea of one may be farfetched. However,the entire series of The Cosby Show is on Amazon for $250, that's a better investment than some raggedy negro who barely has a grasp on the English language. If that's too expensive I suggest you gather a collection of romance novels to get some inkling of how you should be treated because after all you are a woman phenomenally (NOTE: Olivia Pope & Mary Jane are fictional character, they are for entertainment, this is not real life. Even still, they spend a great deal of time looking silly and ridiculous). 

Now for the women who thought they were in loving and committed relationships. It's your life do what you want but what that being said, something like a "side baby" really shows the true character (or lack thereof) of a man. And as Queen Oprah tells us, "Once someone shows you who they are believe them". Yes you may love them but they obviously don't love you. I've never humiliated or intentionally disrespected anyone that I loved. I've had two men humiliate and disrespect me in my life and that was more than enough. At some point you have to look at yourself and ask why you're accepting that. You have to love yourself more than you love anyone else. This is why its so important to have standards. (I've learned that I may not have a large number of men coming by way but its about quality for me. It may sound harsh but I turned down a second date with a man who didn't walk me the two blocks to the train after our date very late one evening. Obviously that wasn't the only red flag I saw that night but it was enough for me not to want to see him again).

I get that people are afraid to be single, to be "alone" trust me I've been there. There are times now when I'm over it, but then I think back to my last relationship to the times were I was unhappy or disappointed and I grin to myself with delight because I may be bored but I'm not irritated or upset.

All of this is just to say that in my book "side children" are ALWAYS a deal breaker. The level of disrespect is daunting. Its very foul that these men try and act like what they did was ok and that women should just accept it or that its normal.  Well this woman CAN'T & WON'T. I know that some people will suggest that I should just keep on living and I plan to do just that. But know this I will never see it for a man who not only cheats on me which is horrific enough but who has the audacity to produce a child out of the indiscretion.

SMH

xoxox Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxo

Why Gabby's Story and Her Win Are So Important

Disclaimer: Now let me start off by saying that if you are one of the fools that have anything negative to say  about this girl specifically with regards to the hair on her head (which in most cases is very similar to the hair growing out the top of yours) please feel free to KILL YOURSELF. And I mean that with all sincerity. 

But I digress, now I'm certainly not Olympics obsessed but I have been following Gabby's story for a bit. I read an article in the beginning of July about her struggle to the Olympics. She moved away from her family in Virgina to live with a family in Iowa so that she could be trained by her world renowned  coach While she was doing this her parents were getting a divorce and her father was being deployed once again to Afghanistan.  And if any of you like me remember what it was like to be sixteen, I certainly don't know how she did it. The way for hormones were ragging back then, I would have given up and went home. Gabby just proves that though shit may get tough the last thing that you want to do is underestimate yourself, people are already gonna do that for you.

Before the gymnastics team grabbed gold, people weren't even talking about Gabby they were talking about her teammate Jordyn Wieber. Wieber still did wonderfully but all of the hype probably did not help her and as 1996 Olympian Dominique Dawes says, Gabby was able to slip under the radar and grab the all around gold for individual gymnast, the first Black person EVER to do so. (Its cray t=its 2012 and we can still say the first Black person to ever do something.)

Why is this so dope? Its like having Michelle Obama as the first lady, or Princess Tiana as the first Black Disney princess. Gabby is up there for me. The reason why I'm obsessed with Black film is because of the images that it provides. It gives Black people (more specifically children), no matter what their situation or circumstance, the opportunity to see people who look like them doing things that they may have never dreamed were attainable. And I think for people who can't see past their neighborhoods or even today that's so important. There's no reason to settle for what is 'expected' of you. Obviously there are always obstacles, and because life isn't fair some people have more obstacles than others. However, I know for me its always been helpful when I can look up to people who look like me doing things people always say they couldn't do. Gabby's win does so much for our community making history obviously, but also things like fitness and health and even our very apparent issues about hair could certainly be addressed.

I've personally always been too terrified to do a simple forward role. (Something about my feet bing over my head)  But seeing Gabby fly has been glorious :)

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

Dear Black People:

This morning as I'm sure we all did I woke up to the the horrific news of the shooting at the midnight Batman showing  in the Colorado theater. As I scrolled through different tweets and the internet trying to figure out what was going on I was disheartened by the fact that several Black people that I follow thought it was appropriate to tweet either in general or at POTUS and ask why weren't the 45 people getting killed in Chicago on any given day news? Obviously the crime in Chicago is horrific and disgusting but it is NOT appropriate to "plug" this violence in the wake of a mass shooting or tragedy. This got me to thinking, as Black people do we only care when other Black people are killed if the shooting is done by a non-Black person or by the police? I would bet all the money in my bank account that 98% of people killed on any day in Chicago are done by Black people killing Black people. Why is POTUS responsible for that? What are we doing to clean up our own communities? Where the hell is Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson cuz I haven't seen them since Trayvon Martin was top news?  We are only hurting ourselves so I ask you why should white people or anyone else in the country care? The North side of Chicago certainly doesn't have the same issues as the South and the West Side. Some of my boys from high school and elementary school refused to even come home during summer vacations  in college because it got so bad. We need to stop acting like Barak Obama is the President for only Black people in this country!! Clearly he's standing in a majority republican, racist, white government fighting tooth and nail so that we can have basic things like health care and other goverment aide that many of us need and we sit here on our ASSES whining about what he's not doing when  Black people are killing themselves. Well, what the fuck are you doing?

Granted, equal education is not accessible to all. Lord knows Chicago Public Schools are a piece of shit but have we rallied? Have we petitioned?  There have been no walks, no free breakfast, no car pools or bus pools. Many of my aunts work in the Public School system and I've heard them tell story after story about how they tried to meet with parents ALL year and the only time the parents want to show up is at the end of the year when they realize their kids aren't gonna pass into the next grade. We need to become better parents better teachers, taking responsibility when raising our own kids. Just because you have a child young does not give you an excuse. Get off of facebook and twitter with you petty arguments and foolishness GO RAISE YOUR CHILD!! And you know what? The rest of the community needs to say something when you see inappropriate parenting myself included. A few years ago I was on the CTA (Chicago Transit) I had long micro braids and I felt a hand tug them, I turned around to see a little baby boy no more than 2 years old and his mother preceded to beat the shit out of him for tugging my braids. I WAS HORRIFIED!!! Clearly he was too little to know any better, but I became part of the problem when I said nothing and looked away.

STOP LOOKING FOR INSTANT GRATIFICATION!!!!!!! Like I said I realize that school is not for everyone but we need to start looking past the next Jordans that come out. Can you see past your mama's or your grandma's basement? Why is your mama/grandma/auntie/sister raising YOUR CHILD? Being a flashy ninja is only bound to get you killed or messed up because people out here are jealous! I'm not saying don't have nice things but why are you selling your blood to get your one-year old Jordan when your light bill isn't paid? You have zero dollars in the bank is it really that important to go to the nail shop?!!!!

Have Black people had it easy in this world, especially in this country?! HELL NO!! But we're damn sure doing a hell of a lot better then we were just fifty years ago and we certainly aren't out in any fields picking cotton, tobacco or sugar cane.  Yes, the ramifications of slavery, discrimination and injustice run deep within our community but what are we doing to help ourselves?

We need to stop being concerned about things like people sexual orientations that are for one, non of our business and are only spewing more hate into our communities. We need to SAY SOMETHING when we see something!!! Stop bringing these perverts around your kids and when your kids say somebody is being inappropriate BELIEVE IT.  Stop sweeping stuff under the rug, because its all going to come out one day causing way more harm then you could ever imagine. We need to stop acting like we don't know what's up stop living in this generation of strangers.

I'm sorry if this seemed harsh but its the truth through my eyes Chocolate Girl In the City

I'll be praying for the victims and families in Colorado and those in my hometown.

I've Been Thinkin Bout Ya....

This has been really plaguing my mind for some time and I thought I wanted to write about it but I didn't know how to start or what to write. So when Frank Ocean published his gorgeously written piece "Thank You's" on his tumblr I thought this was as good a place to start with as any. Let me begin by saying, I love Black people, I love our pride, our culture, our skin, hair, the list goes on and if you know me then  that should be obvious. However, I'm saddened by how backward we can be sometimes. As a Black woman, I feel like I'm walking around this world constantly getting bombarded, judged and poked in my sides from outsiders and sadly often from insiders from the very people that were suppose to have my back  regardless. I can't even imagine what Black men go through. Growing up with a Catholic mother and a Muslim father I am grateful for my parents, they never told me what to believe in. My mother took us a church a few Sundays a month, I went mostly for the music and the brunch afterward with my Big Daddy. My sister and I were taught to pray at night but my relationship to God really didn't form until much later. By then, thankfully I had experienced enough of the world to think for myself, to come up with my own opinions.

My first openly gay friend was this wonderful boy I met in seventh grade. At the tragic middle school that I attended he was one of the true bright spots one of the "real" people in the crowd who unlike me didn't attempt to follow mass or chime in. I struggled with that wanting to be friendly with everyone. I got along with most people and  was really only bullied by one individual. This wonderful boy didn't care what other people thought, already at eleven the cowardliness that plagued me was non- existent within him. He didn't care to fit in, he was tryna live the most honest life he knew how. As seventh grade continued rumors swirled about his sexuality. I asked him point blank one day standing at the lockers. He confirmed that like me he was most attracted to the male sex. I absorbed this news and we carried on with our friendship. I was surprised only because I had never known an openly gay person up until that point but it didn't change how I saw him, I loved his wonderful honesty his was real, a breath of fresh air in the cookie cutter lives of lost seventh and eighth graders.

I remember when I told Mama about him, she was coming to chaperon one of our field trips and I wanted to tell her who I wanted to be in our group. Her eyes widened in surprise, she seemed confused unable to contemplate, it was as if she had never considered it before. I recall that her shock and confusion horrified me. Surely I thought to myself, the person I love most in this world, cannot have such a backward reaction to someone who was a true friend of mine. I asked her then, if she thought gay people should be able to get married. She told me no, that she felt marriage was between a man and a woman. I screamed at her then, one of the few times, I remember yelling at my mother  and getting away with it. I couldn't understand her position, it sounded completely idiotic to me. I implored her to tell me how another persons imitate and personal life should affect her... A week later she met my friend on that field trip and fell in love with him like I had. When we got home that day she sat me down and she told me she was wrong, that she would never wanted interfere with another person's happiness. And then she told me about her best guy friend in college and how years later he came out to her and how it had hurt her that he hadn't been honest with her earlier, how they had both cried on the phone and how she told him that she was sorry he felt that he couldn't have trusted her with his secrets.

This wasn't the last time that I shifted my mother's views on the world with my youth and naivety . The world had shifted radically in the 32 years between her birth and mine and she like in everything she did had enough grace to see it. So with that I want to say, that I understand that older Black people can be stuck in their ways. Lord knows my father is quite ornery about certain things. However, just because you are old doesn't mean that you have to be ignorant. Ignorance is just as volatile as any weapon. I am baffled that these same "older" people can turn their heads when older men are preying on young girls or guys, adultery, incests, bitchassness in any form etc and they can dare part their lips to condemn some other person who isn't hurting anyone. This is especially upsetting because ignorance is what caused so many things that plague our community today.

Whats even more sad and appalling still is those in my generation who have every opportunity to educate themselves, who dabble in all types of activities illegal and otherwise for pleasure, pain a high etc., who park themselves on church benches Sunday morning because their mama's told them to and who hate, bringing more hate into this world that has already made it so difficult for them today. This generation has no excuse.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxxo

50 Shades of Grey and My Thoughts on "Feminism"

So like many of you but perhaps not so secretly, because apparently I'm vulgar and graphic. I've recently read the 50 Shades of Grey books. Why did I read them? Well, I've just graduated from college, I have a whole lot of free time and my social life leaves little to be desired lol. So alas I downloaded them on my Kindle and read all three books in about five days. Let me be real, the books are not the best books ever written and the storyline can be predictable and repetitive, but whatevs it was hot and steamy and provided me excellent entertainment on warm Chicago & New York nights while I sipped my evening tea. One of my besties ridiculed me for the books are first but he was still intrigued and I got my cousins and some of my aunts to read it also.

I guess what has shocked me, and what has always shocked me about things like this is the backlash from "feminist critics". Now obviously I believe that woman are equal to men, that we can do anything that men can do that we should have ALL rights to do what we want to our bodies and so forth. We are the MASTERS of our destinies.( I'm just  gonna be the master of mine is heels and lipstick). I was disturbed by the fact that some people feel that the book is sexist and that the author E. L. James (who is a woman) is trying to say that ALL women want to be dominated, remain submissive to their men so on and so forth. Essentially, this entire discussion brings up some of the ambivalence that I have surrounding "feminism" itself. Firstly I would just suggest that as a Black woman, feminism for me is very different from "mainstream feminism" because the culture that I grew up in is very particular and the history of Blacks in this country is also very particular especially in the way that men and women relate to one another going back to slavery. But I'm not gonna get into that now.  What I tend to get frustrated with is the fact that SOME feminists (NOT ALL), seem to always position women as victims. I don't know about you but at 21, chocolate skinned, 5 ft 3 inches and one hundred fifty some odd pounds I am no one's victim.  I don't think E. L. James was trying to suggest any of those things to her readers, I think she just wrote a kinky book, based off of Twilight fan fiction for people to read on vacation. So called feminists kill me sometimes, maybe I just wanted to read a dirty book for my own personal entertainment. Maybe suburban mothers who sometimes get bored with routine want to spice things up. Maybe I just want to read what I want to read when I want to read it. I'm more concerned with the fact that this country is still banning books at libraries *side eye * Obviously we can read sexism, racialism, hetro-normativism into so many things in pop culture.  (Look at Game of Throne, Mad Men, Girls, Think Like A Man, New Girl, etc). But at the end of the day all we can hope is that people will constantly educate themselves to recognize some of the issues while enjoying themselves, maybe even laughing at some of the foolery.

Nobody said shit when people were laughing at Friends (the whitest show on earth) for ten years. I would just say to feminists, yes women have a long road ahead of them in this world, especially women who are in much more oppressed conditions that those in Western countries. Those of us who have the education, means and resources should be doing all we can to help others in ways that are CONSTRUCTIVE.  Other than that please keep your bitterness and anger to yourself, I'm not here for that, so please stop speaking for me. Its like our lovely ball of Caribbean trash Rihanna said, "At the end of the day I'm still gonna do what I want to do", as a grown woman I think that that's as liberating as anything.

Until then I will be patiently waiting for the film to come out, Focus Features just brought the rights :) xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

PS. The biggest thing we can all do for women in this country is keep that fool Mitt out of the office SMH

Why is marriage a goal?

I'm sure this will be real dope when/if the time comes :)

So I'm done with undergrad!!!!!!!!. I've been twiddling my thumbs waiting for graduation so I can begin the next epic puzzle to my life .  I now have a lot of time to think and hopefully now to blog.

One of my best friends called me today and we had like a two hour long covo, trying to catch each other up about whats been going on in our lives. She was telling me about a guy she had recently stopped dating and she was also telling me that she's not sure if she wants to continue on the career path that she's been setting up for herself.  I in epic fashion told her to do what she wants, to do what makes her happy because honestly, life is too short to make choices based on someone else expectations. But something else she said really bothered me. She told me that she was feeling some type of way because in her four years at college, she really hadn't found anyone epic and that in terms of marriage things are looking rather bleak.  Her parents meet in college and got married shortly thereafter. I know a few girls myself that are engaged, married or have been married for sometime. I think its wonderful if you find someone pretty early on in life that you can't imagine living without but why is marriage still the ultimate goal for young women in 2012? My girlfriends are beautiful, educated, lovely people and we have a real opportunity to carve out epic lives  for ourselves. There are so many places to see and so many things to do. Obviously being single isn't exactly super fun all of the time and companionship love and relationships are wonderful. But marriage? To be really real about it as of right now 60% of all women in the US will never get married.

Marriage super serious step to me nobody is tryna go out like Kim K and her pathetic 72 days. I would rather be with someone for years and years,  than jump over a broom because society told me that was the "proper" thing to do.  I think its beautiful to want to spend your life with someone else, but in your early twenties if you haven't found that yet then, you certainly shouldn't feel like you're missing out on something. I guess I'm a go with the flow type of gal. Marriage may be in my far future but if its not I'm certainly not gonna sweat it now. Instead, in the next few months I'm going to Disney World, moving to Harlem and going to graduate school.

I think instead of marriage, happiness should be a major goal and hopefully some lucky guy will fit into that picture whether your legally tied to him or not

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxox

R.I.P. Trayvon Martin

I haven't really had words to describe how I feel about the death of Trayvon Martin. I feel like all I can say has been said by others who are just as hurt and just as outraged as I am. Sometimes, when I feel like this country is making progress, I remember that my people, my brothers, fathers, cousins and friends could be taken from me at any moment because of someone's bigotry and hatred. Its a terrible day when you aren't surprised that this can happen and that you aren't surprised that no action has been taken toward the murderer who committed such a heinous crime. So much had to change in our society and sometimes, I think that in this lifetime we"ll never see any real change.

Rest In Peace Beautiful Boy

Why I Think Chris Brown Should Have Performed At The Grammys & Why My Friends Disagree

****DISCLAIMER: Domestic Violence Is NEVER Acceptable*************** I was happy when I found out that Chris Brown was going to be able to perform at this years Grammy awards, mostly because he's super talented and he always puts on a good show. After the ceremony country singer Miranda Lambert tweeted that she didn't understand why he was allowed to perform at all, especially twice.  I disagree, though I do not think that he was given the right punishment for the crime that he committed (it should have been harsher) he did do what was asked in him. Therefore I don't understand why he should be barred from preforming, which is essentially how he makes a living. Though Chris Brown likes to say ratchet things on twitter and throw chairs out of windows, that's not really any different from other celebrities do.  Either that or they're too coked out to function. Personally, I would never want people to harp on a mistake I made last year, let alone three years ago, and I feel that people like to provoke celebrities. No one on this earth wants their past indiscretions to be thrown in their face. Do I think Chris Brown is the best person ever? Of course not but I don't think he's the anti-Christ either.  Obviously he has some deep psychological  and emotional problems that he needs to deal with, but as a young woman who has been through shit myself, I've come to understand that therapy and things of that nature can only be helpful to you once you personally decide its time for you to seek them out. Obviously, Chris Brown can no longer be seen as a role model, and I don't think he (or Rhianna for that matter) are trying to be, therefore, I personally have no issue with listening to his music or watching his videos while respecting him solely as an artist. My lovely friend Michael disagrees with me wholeheartedly on my entire position. I must say that after out riveting conversation I see his point though I still disagree. Michael argued that Chris Brown has not proven himself to be a better person since the incident, he continues to go HAM on twitter and basically act poorly in general. He said that he never gave a proper apology and he really hasn't seemed to have changed since the incident. Micheal also argued that since the incident happened at the Pre-Grammy party in 2009, it was in bad taste that he was allowed to perform at the same event this year. Michael did say that he wouldn't have been bothered if he had simply attended as a nominee. I argued that, as long as he's given a proper apology to Rhianna its none of the public's business,which is why I thought Rhianna talking about it  to Diane Sawyer was kind of strange, though I do agree it was her right . I simply feel like taking away someone's livelihood and the one thing they love to do is not productive or healthy and that our society in general needs to come up with better and more reformatory repercussions.  At this point I don't feel like Miranda Lambert sending tweets out is productive to anyone, though she has a right to state her opinion. I also think that we should really reevaluate what we deem as "unforgivable" and how long we should shun people who make mistakes. No one wants to live in a constant state of limbo, at some point we need not to forget but we certainly need to move on.  Finally, I'll just say that though you might disagree with me, I wouldn't wish the horror that is fame on anyone, it seems like a terrible life especially if you haven't had a good foundation to begin with.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxox PS:I Guess We Should All Just Mind Our Own Business

What Whitney Meant To Me

I can never remember a time when I didn't know who Whitney Houston was. When I was little I would sit in my car seat in the back of my mom's car and listen to Whitney's tapes, singing right along because I knew all of the words.  The Christmas that The Preacher's Wife came out, my mother brought the VHS home for me and my sister and I remember at six yeas old, being so mesmerized by how beautiful she was and how perfect her voice was. My mom watched the film for Denzel, but I remember watching it for Whitney and the songs she sang.  She was just so poised and glamorous, even while playing such a simple role. Besides her music which was constantly in the background in my Chicago household, the next thing I remember was being about ten and seeing The Bodyguard on television and that film for me just really sealed the deal.  ( And you know I still know every word and song that s in the Brandy Cinderella ).

Whitney was legendary for me and I suppose I never really understood her personal struggles because the images I saw of her were always five to eight years in the past. She was always beautiful to me, I was always in awe of her grace and  her stature. My first personal Whitney CD was  My Love is Your Love, I was about nine and I had just gotten a boom box for my birthday LMAO. I played the CD on repeat to the point where it was exhausting for my entire family. The next thing I can remember is stealing my mother's copy of Waiting the Exhale (the book) when I was about twelve, and then having to plot to acquire the film. (I wasn't allowed to watch Rated R films until I was damn near grown smh). But there she was again just as beautiful as ever. Looking back now, I feel so blessed that my mother sheltered me and I never really witnessed Whitney struggling. Even still, her struggles could never outweigh, all the she did, all that she meant or the fact that I still get goose bumps when I hear. "I Will Always Love You".

When I was told that she had passed I was clowning in my room, getting ready to go out with my friends. My bestise's mom texted her and she blurted out that Whitney had passed. When she told us, I screamed. I felt physically ill. I've never had such a violent reaction to the death of  a celebrity not even MJ. Maybe it was because, I know that if my mom was still here she would have been devastated Perhaps, despite everything I felt like I knew Whitney, like I could relate to her.  For a bougie  Black girl from the south side of Chicago Whitney was more than iconic, she was a dream and that's what I choose to remember. xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox

So Now All Black Women Are Angry?

I saw a status on facebook this morning on my way to work. It read, "Great, another angry black woman on the train...just what I need." I decided then and there that the "angry black woman" subject was something I wanted to discuss. To be real i don't know any "angry" Black women and I know ALOT of Black women. I've come across some bitter people in my time but bitterness is universal there is nothing racial about it. It disturbed me to read this status because it was written by a young Black male  whose mother probably raised him. It seems to me that because he had one poor encounter with a Black women, as soon as he sees one that may be having a less than stellar day he labels all of us as bitter and angry. Let me just say that I definitely don't consider myself to be angry or even bitter.  I will say, that I have felt bitter at certain points in my life but I've been through a lot so I think that I had a right to those moments. It seems to me that men, like the particular guy who wrote the status, either don't like when women stick up for themselves or they've sadly brought into the media's and Tyler Perry's stereotypes of Black women. (Obviously these are characters). Instead of admitting that their male pride was threatened because a woman (possibly a Black women) said something they did not like or agree with they choose to place all Black women in the same category.

Later at work I had another disturbing encounter that tested the "angry black woman" theory on me personally. We were at the beach and the weather was gradually getting worse. The head of  the lifeguards at the beach (who was a 45 year old Black man) approached me and a coworker to ask who was running the event. I politely pointed out the man who was running it, and I attempted to reassure the lifeguard man that we were not letting any children go near the water. Before I could even finish what I was saying the man stuck his hand in my face (yes this grown ass man who was all of 5 ft tall gave me the "talk to the hand") and ran off to my male co-worker. Flabbergasted, I stood there in shock with my hands on my hips and my mouth open. I chose not to be unprofessional and yell at the man, but when he approached me again I surely walked away. This would not have been the reaction of choice for many other women no matter what their race. No one has a right to disrespect another person in that manner, being disrespected can very well warrant an angry response, that does not mean that someone has an "angry". I would say to that person with this particular status, it is well known that you prefer women of different races and that is totally your right and your choice. However, please do not give black women labels to simply justify your actions. Be with who you want to be with, but grow some balls and realize that women will stick up for themselves in whatever fashion they feel is necessary. Or maybe you should open your horizons and begin meeting different types of women from different types of backgrounds. Its your own fault if you stay in the same few square miles, of course you're going to continue to see the same characters.

People come from many different circumstances and many of them have reasons to be upset with things that have occurred in their lives. It takes a lot of strength and work to be a positive person the majority of the time, and its something you work at on a daily basis

I'm not gonna post a bitter status like "here come some bum ass Black dude tryna talk to me" every time one does because all Black men aren't bums so I'm not going to imply that they are.