I Am NOT A Colorless Person

I’d like to start off by saying that however, Raven would like to label herself is her right. (I would say her Black ass right, but she don’t want to be labeled as such so I’m gonna go ahead and respect home girl’s wishes.) What is interesting though, (and Crissle pointed this out on my favorite podcast The Read) is that people want to throw away labels ONLY when they are labels that are devalued in society. (Everybody want to be a nigga but don’t nobody want to be nigga.)  A rich, fine, intelligent billionaire never says, “Oh no, no, no please don’t call me rich, fine or intelligent. I don’t want to be labeled.”

So as I said I’ve got no beef with Raven and her lack of labels. Hell this fool Mike Tirico from ESPN claims to be 100& Italian. (Real tears.) If he wants to live in a delusional cloud of foolishness then by all means I say go on ahead boo. (Though I do hope he realizes that if this was 1815 he wouldn’t be talking about none of this. He would be right next to me in all of chocolate glory trying to pick some cotton, or grow some tobacco, or cultivate some sugar. He wouldn’t have even passed the test to be helping in the big house.) But its 2014….so be Italian if you want to.

Mike Trico

What did aggravate me and irritate me is when Raven said, “I’m an American, and that’s a colorless person.”……  0_O

 I’m sorry what?!!!!  Ms. Raven, while you were playing Olivia on The Cosby Show(the most successful BLACK sitcom of all time), did you not have a tutor? Perhaps you missed a few lessons. Being American is the opposite of being colorless. Ain’t you learn about how we’re supposedly this melting pot of cultures, people and ideas? Were you not taught that wars were fought , that people have marched and died, have been assassinated, exterminated, interned, removed, violated, lynched ,and on and on because color is labeled as other and other apparently fosters fear and hatred.

I am not a colorless person. Colorlessness evokes erasure and as Viola Davis recent stated after that simple-minded New York Times article. “You can’t erase ME!.”

I grew up on the South Side of Chicago (Chicago is extremely segregated still, so my neighborhood was predominantly Black.) I went to an all Black elementary school and middle school. Black history month was huge for us, we had Black Santa’s and figurines at Christmas, we had subscriptions to Ebony and Essence. I know the Black national anthem and I know all the colors on the Black American flag and what they stand for.  I’m well versed in Black history, I know where my Mama’s people came from(Mississippi) and I also know they came to Chicago during the Great Migration. My mama was ten when MLK was assassinated. She remembered that day, I remember that day through the stories she’s told me.  I understand from listening to my elders; my Big Daddy, and my aunts and uncles. I am a fervent reader. I watch a ton of documentaries on Blackness and Black history. I understand the historical significance of Nigger, Negro, African American, Nigga and Black, My dad was Nigerian and he was very ingrained in his culture as well. Blackness raised me, it is in me, I live it and I breathe it. My skin is extremely dark brown. It’s there always visible, ever-present. I can’t remove it, would never want to even if I could. I have been teased and tormented for it. I’ve been praised and sexualized because of it. I can barely find foundation and drawers to match my nude. I can’t contour my face because of it.

So I embrace my labels, because they were earned with my ancestors’ blood and tears and perseverance. My humanity is still being fought for, look to Ferguson or Florida, just flip on the news or walk around any major city.

I am not colorless, I am Black, visible and present. I refuse to be shoved into the background.  

I’m an introverted extrovert.

I have dark skin.

I am boisterous.

I am humorous.

I am raunchy and free.

I am a bookwork.

I am a Chicagoan and a Harlemite,

I am more hetro then homo

I am young

I am a woman,

I am a Black woman,

I am a feminist,

I am happy

I am parentless

I am childless

I am curvy

I am Nigerian

and yes I am also an American but certainly not colorless.

 xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxox

Black Like Me: On the 2014 Primetime Fall Television Line-Up

Growing up, I wasn't allowed to watch television on the weekdays.(My dad was African, reading was king.) Throughout elementary school I would sit on the school bus and listen to my friends go on and about what had occurred on any given show. (Did I mention we didn't have cable?......It was a pitiful existence.) I’d heard about the various cable shows of course but, I only had access to the basic networks and only on Friday evenings and Saturdays, if we were home.    

On the weekends, I was as thirsty as possible. Parched for some screen-time I often raced down the stairs  to beat my sister to the tv. I watched a ton of shows those blissful Friday evenings and Saturday afternoons of my childhood. After all, Black faces were aplenty. (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Family Matters, The Cosby Show, A Different World, Martin, Living Single, Hangin’ With Mister Cooper, The Steve Harvey Show, The Jamie Foxx Show, Good Times, etc.)

And as I got older, I got into more current shows like Moesha, Sister Sister, One on One, Half &Half, The Parkers, The Bernie Mac Show, Everybody Hates Chris, Girlfriends and The Game (pre-BET).

I watched a lot of other things too. However, I gravitated towards these particular shows because of the familiarity of the brown faces that appeared on screen. They looked like my family, like my Mama and them.  As Black people, we are not a homogenous group but there are moments, certain particularities that remain timeless and relatable.

As I moved into high school and then through college, Blackness had nearly vanished completely from both the big and small screens. Tyler Perry of course kept actors on the big screen, while period pieces and bio-pics, always found room for Black faces. (And yet as we all know, being restrained in these particular roles suffocates the black actor.)

Television however, was in even worse shape.  As I struggled with girlhood and then when puberty. I was desperate to find girls who looked like me. There was Breanna(Kyla Pratt) from One on One, Moesha (Brandy) and Vanessa (Camille Winbush) The Bernie Mac Show. However, those girls were just a bit older, a bit more refined, just a tad out of my reach.  We had Raven to go along with Lizzie McGuire, but was that enough? Not when you’re bombarded with images that are the antithesis of who you are.

I was constantly digging through the archives, working backwards to find old images of Angela Bassett or Erika Alexander. Their images weren’t always readily available; I had to be purposeful in seeking them out. It was as if we’d once again reverted to the 1960’s when everyone in a Black household went running to the television when someone Black was on screen.

Shonda Rhimes and ABC changed that first with Grey’s Anatomy(2005-) and then when she got us all together by delivering queen Olivia Pope in Scandal (2012-) And finally it seems other networks begin to follow suit.  Though it was a very short run, Megan Goode starred on NBC’s Deception(2013), and things have seems to go from there. As a television lover, I’m super excited about some of the things coming out.

I have argued with many about Black images on screen, Many people take issue with Olivia Pope’s position as a mistress, they feel that because she is one of the only Black women on screen she should be prefect (ala Claire Huxtable). However, I argue that the perfect image argument is even more tiresome then being called “chocolate” as I walk down the street.

But here’s what’s coming up in fall television.

MONDAY:

8PM EST Fox’s Gotham

This new series is a prequel to Batman. I’m not really super into the superhero world unless the man character is fine but Jada Pinkett is on TV again and that in itself is worth the look.

9PM EST Fox’s Sleepy Hollow.

Nichole Beharie is stunning; I’ve seen it for her since I was first introduced to her in Shame (2011). Though I ‘m obsessed with Buffy The Vampire Slaver and The Vampire Diaries, Sleepy Hallow isn’t necessarily my thing. Don’t get me wrong, I watched nearly half of the first season and its very well done but I guess being “grownish” I need something a tad sexier. Definitely worth the watch though.

WEDNESDAY

8PM EST NBC’s The Mysteries of Laura.  

Now this doesn’t exactly fall in line because Laz Alonzo plays Deb Messing sidekick in the show. But I shall excuse it because I live for Deb (if you haven’t seen Will & Grace then just give up on life now.) and hell I’ll watch Laz for an hour. I’m not mad at all.

9PM EST Fox's Red Band Society Based off a memoir, the story surronds a group of kids who bond during their stay at an LA hospital. Octavia Spencer stars as one of the nurses at the hospital. The story line feels a bit cheesy to me if I'm going to be honest, however Octavia can be great as long as shes not relegated to the role of "sassy" Black helper. We've seen The Help already.

9:30PM EST ABC’s Blackish

 Now, though I’m excited about this theoretically because I live for Tracee Ellis, I’m not really sure about this show. Maybe its because I feel away about Anthony Anderson, but I think the themes surrounding the show are definitely worth discussing. I’ll give it a look for sure. 

THURSDAY

8PM EST ABC’S Grey’s Anatomy

 The first of Queen Shonda’s Thursday night shows. Now I haven’t watched the show since Loretta Divine was still the Chief’s wife. I lived for it in high school but it just got to be too much for me.  Anyways’ the show is a multicultural spread . Plus there’s Jesse Williams so…yeah.

9PM EST ABC’s Scandal

Ms. Olivia Pope! When I first stumbled across this series fairly early on I knew it was something special. The fashion, the storyline, Kerry Washington herself, it was and still is all of the things. Don’t get me wrong, last season was a hot boiling mess but I’ll just chalk it up to Kerry being preggers and the writers trying to wrap things up in an eighteen-episode season. Anyway I’m still hype about it come back. (Also thank God they got rid of Columbus Short’s ridiculous ass.)

10PM EST ABC’s How To Get Away With Murder

Ya’ll Auntie Viola has her own show. She slays in general (I just saw her in The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby and she was the best part of that entire fiasco of a film.) I don’t know much about the series other than it looks amaze and Dean Thomas from Harry Potter is on it but that enough to draw me to the tv.

I would say that overall, the current fall line up is not looking too shabby. It's looking much better than last year that’s for sure. I will say this however, as Viola Davis said recently, this marginalization of Black people on screen has got to stop. We shouldn't have to go seek out premiere networks like HBO, Showtime and Starz to see images. They should be ever present ever available, just as we are in real life. Images reinforce the fact that we are real, that we are human and that our existence is just as relevant and just as valuable as others.   

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxox Will you be watching?

Why Gabby's Story and Her Win Are So Important

Disclaimer: Now let me start off by saying that if you are one of the fools that have anything negative to say  about this girl specifically with regards to the hair on her head (which in most cases is very similar to the hair growing out the top of yours) please feel free to KILL YOURSELF. And I mean that with all sincerity. 

But I digress, now I'm certainly not Olympics obsessed but I have been following Gabby's story for a bit. I read an article in the beginning of July about her struggle to the Olympics. She moved away from her family in Virgina to live with a family in Iowa so that she could be trained by her world renowned  coach While she was doing this her parents were getting a divorce and her father was being deployed once again to Afghanistan.  And if any of you like me remember what it was like to be sixteen, I certainly don't know how she did it. The way for hormones were ragging back then, I would have given up and went home. Gabby just proves that though shit may get tough the last thing that you want to do is underestimate yourself, people are already gonna do that for you.

Before the gymnastics team grabbed gold, people weren't even talking about Gabby they were talking about her teammate Jordyn Wieber. Wieber still did wonderfully but all of the hype probably did not help her and as 1996 Olympian Dominique Dawes says, Gabby was able to slip under the radar and grab the all around gold for individual gymnast, the first Black person EVER to do so. (Its cray t=its 2012 and we can still say the first Black person to ever do something.)

Why is this so dope? Its like having Michelle Obama as the first lady, or Princess Tiana as the first Black Disney princess. Gabby is up there for me. The reason why I'm obsessed with Black film is because of the images that it provides. It gives Black people (more specifically children), no matter what their situation or circumstance, the opportunity to see people who look like them doing things that they may have never dreamed were attainable. And I think for people who can't see past their neighborhoods or even today that's so important. There's no reason to settle for what is 'expected' of you. Obviously there are always obstacles, and because life isn't fair some people have more obstacles than others. However, I know for me its always been helpful when I can look up to people who look like me doing things people always say they couldn't do. Gabby's win does so much for our community making history obviously, but also things like fitness and health and even our very apparent issues about hair could certainly be addressed.

I've personally always been too terrified to do a simple forward role. (Something about my feet bing over my head)  But seeing Gabby fly has been glorious :)

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox

I've Been Thinkin Bout Ya....

This has been really plaguing my mind for some time and I thought I wanted to write about it but I didn't know how to start or what to write. So when Frank Ocean published his gorgeously written piece "Thank You's" on his tumblr I thought this was as good a place to start with as any. Let me begin by saying, I love Black people, I love our pride, our culture, our skin, hair, the list goes on and if you know me then  that should be obvious. However, I'm saddened by how backward we can be sometimes. As a Black woman, I feel like I'm walking around this world constantly getting bombarded, judged and poked in my sides from outsiders and sadly often from insiders from the very people that were suppose to have my back  regardless. I can't even imagine what Black men go through. Growing up with a Catholic mother and a Muslim father I am grateful for my parents, they never told me what to believe in. My mother took us a church a few Sundays a month, I went mostly for the music and the brunch afterward with my Big Daddy. My sister and I were taught to pray at night but my relationship to God really didn't form until much later. By then, thankfully I had experienced enough of the world to think for myself, to come up with my own opinions.

My first openly gay friend was this wonderful boy I met in seventh grade. At the tragic middle school that I attended he was one of the true bright spots one of the "real" people in the crowd who unlike me didn't attempt to follow mass or chime in. I struggled with that wanting to be friendly with everyone. I got along with most people and  was really only bullied by one individual. This wonderful boy didn't care what other people thought, already at eleven the cowardliness that plagued me was non- existent within him. He didn't care to fit in, he was tryna live the most honest life he knew how. As seventh grade continued rumors swirled about his sexuality. I asked him point blank one day standing at the lockers. He confirmed that like me he was most attracted to the male sex. I absorbed this news and we carried on with our friendship. I was surprised only because I had never known an openly gay person up until that point but it didn't change how I saw him, I loved his wonderful honesty his was real, a breath of fresh air in the cookie cutter lives of lost seventh and eighth graders.

I remember when I told Mama about him, she was coming to chaperon one of our field trips and I wanted to tell her who I wanted to be in our group. Her eyes widened in surprise, she seemed confused unable to contemplate, it was as if she had never considered it before. I recall that her shock and confusion horrified me. Surely I thought to myself, the person I love most in this world, cannot have such a backward reaction to someone who was a true friend of mine. I asked her then, if she thought gay people should be able to get married. She told me no, that she felt marriage was between a man and a woman. I screamed at her then, one of the few times, I remember yelling at my mother  and getting away with it. I couldn't understand her position, it sounded completely idiotic to me. I implored her to tell me how another persons imitate and personal life should affect her... A week later she met my friend on that field trip and fell in love with him like I had. When we got home that day she sat me down and she told me she was wrong, that she would never wanted interfere with another person's happiness. And then she told me about her best guy friend in college and how years later he came out to her and how it had hurt her that he hadn't been honest with her earlier, how they had both cried on the phone and how she told him that she was sorry he felt that he couldn't have trusted her with his secrets.

This wasn't the last time that I shifted my mother's views on the world with my youth and naivety . The world had shifted radically in the 32 years between her birth and mine and she like in everything she did had enough grace to see it. So with that I want to say, that I understand that older Black people can be stuck in their ways. Lord knows my father is quite ornery about certain things. However, just because you are old doesn't mean that you have to be ignorant. Ignorance is just as volatile as any weapon. I am baffled that these same "older" people can turn their heads when older men are preying on young girls or guys, adultery, incests, bitchassness in any form etc and they can dare part their lips to condemn some other person who isn't hurting anyone. This is especially upsetting because ignorance is what caused so many things that plague our community today.

Whats even more sad and appalling still is those in my generation who have every opportunity to educate themselves, who dabble in all types of activities illegal and otherwise for pleasure, pain a high etc., who park themselves on church benches Sunday morning because their mama's told them to and who hate, bringing more hate into this world that has already made it so difficult for them today. This generation has no excuse.

xoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxxo

Why is marriage a goal?

I'm sure this will be real dope when/if the time comes :)

So I'm done with undergrad!!!!!!!!. I've been twiddling my thumbs waiting for graduation so I can begin the next epic puzzle to my life .  I now have a lot of time to think and hopefully now to blog.

One of my best friends called me today and we had like a two hour long covo, trying to catch each other up about whats been going on in our lives. She was telling me about a guy she had recently stopped dating and she was also telling me that she's not sure if she wants to continue on the career path that she's been setting up for herself.  I in epic fashion told her to do what she wants, to do what makes her happy because honestly, life is too short to make choices based on someone else expectations. But something else she said really bothered me. She told me that she was feeling some type of way because in her four years at college, she really hadn't found anyone epic and that in terms of marriage things are looking rather bleak.  Her parents meet in college and got married shortly thereafter. I know a few girls myself that are engaged, married or have been married for sometime. I think its wonderful if you find someone pretty early on in life that you can't imagine living without but why is marriage still the ultimate goal for young women in 2012? My girlfriends are beautiful, educated, lovely people and we have a real opportunity to carve out epic lives  for ourselves. There are so many places to see and so many things to do. Obviously being single isn't exactly super fun all of the time and companionship love and relationships are wonderful. But marriage? To be really real about it as of right now 60% of all women in the US will never get married.

Marriage super serious step to me nobody is tryna go out like Kim K and her pathetic 72 days. I would rather be with someone for years and years,  than jump over a broom because society told me that was the "proper" thing to do.  I think its beautiful to want to spend your life with someone else, but in your early twenties if you haven't found that yet then, you certainly shouldn't feel like you're missing out on something. I guess I'm a go with the flow type of gal. Marriage may be in my far future but if its not I'm certainly not gonna sweat it now. Instead, in the next few months I'm going to Disney World, moving to Harlem and going to graduate school.

I think instead of marriage, happiness should be a major goal and hopefully some lucky guy will fit into that picture whether your legally tied to him or not

xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxoxox

So Now All Black Women Are Angry?

I saw a status on facebook this morning on my way to work. It read, "Great, another angry black woman on the train...just what I need." I decided then and there that the "angry black woman" subject was something I wanted to discuss. To be real i don't know any "angry" Black women and I know ALOT of Black women. I've come across some bitter people in my time but bitterness is universal there is nothing racial about it. It disturbed me to read this status because it was written by a young Black male  whose mother probably raised him. It seems to me that because he had one poor encounter with a Black women, as soon as he sees one that may be having a less than stellar day he labels all of us as bitter and angry. Let me just say that I definitely don't consider myself to be angry or even bitter.  I will say, that I have felt bitter at certain points in my life but I've been through a lot so I think that I had a right to those moments. It seems to me that men, like the particular guy who wrote the status, either don't like when women stick up for themselves or they've sadly brought into the media's and Tyler Perry's stereotypes of Black women. (Obviously these are characters). Instead of admitting that their male pride was threatened because a woman (possibly a Black women) said something they did not like or agree with they choose to place all Black women in the same category.

Later at work I had another disturbing encounter that tested the "angry black woman" theory on me personally. We were at the beach and the weather was gradually getting worse. The head of  the lifeguards at the beach (who was a 45 year old Black man) approached me and a coworker to ask who was running the event. I politely pointed out the man who was running it, and I attempted to reassure the lifeguard man that we were not letting any children go near the water. Before I could even finish what I was saying the man stuck his hand in my face (yes this grown ass man who was all of 5 ft tall gave me the "talk to the hand") and ran off to my male co-worker. Flabbergasted, I stood there in shock with my hands on my hips and my mouth open. I chose not to be unprofessional and yell at the man, but when he approached me again I surely walked away. This would not have been the reaction of choice for many other women no matter what their race. No one has a right to disrespect another person in that manner, being disrespected can very well warrant an angry response, that does not mean that someone has an "angry". I would say to that person with this particular status, it is well known that you prefer women of different races and that is totally your right and your choice. However, please do not give black women labels to simply justify your actions. Be with who you want to be with, but grow some balls and realize that women will stick up for themselves in whatever fashion they feel is necessary. Or maybe you should open your horizons and begin meeting different types of women from different types of backgrounds. Its your own fault if you stay in the same few square miles, of course you're going to continue to see the same characters.

People come from many different circumstances and many of them have reasons to be upset with things that have occurred in their lives. It takes a lot of strength and work to be a positive person the majority of the time, and its something you work at on a daily basis

I'm not gonna post a bitter status like "here come some bum ass Black dude tryna talk to me" every time one does because all Black men aren't bums so I'm not going to imply that they are.