The truth is a combination of what you remember and reality. It's a lesson hard learned for many of us. In director Paul Riccio's charming dramedy, Give or Take, he explores the relationship between a grieving son and his father's boyfriend. Riccio unpacks all the ways the one person could be so very different to various people and at distinct moments within their lifetime.
Martin (co-writer) Jamie Effros) is exhausted. A dissolution New Yorker, he's reluctantly returned to his childhood home in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, following the death of his father, Ken. Distant from Ken for most of his life, Martin's animosity in the wake of his father's passing is apparent. From the moment the camera zooms in on his face, the audience knows he would rather be anywhere else. But Give or Take is much more than a film that examines grief.
Instead of just a typical harrowing tale of a man getting his loved one's affairs in order, Martin is confronted with one aspect of his father's life that he's spent years ignoring. It's the reason why he's avoided Cape Cod for so many years and seems to have barely any interest in memorizing his dad.
Ted (Norbert Leo Butz), Martin's father's long-term boyfriend, is barely holding it together. In the wake of his lover's death, he's desperate for something or someone to grab on to. Ted learns quickly that he won't be seeking support in his late partner's son. After all, Martin arrives, shouldering his anger, resentment, and distance. Instead of coming together, the two men resign themselves to co-exist n a bubble of icy civility. They tiptoe around one another, arguing over the funeral programming, and if the house --that is now going to Martin -- should be put up for sale.
Grief, longing, and the desire to speak your truth are all challenging things to tackle on-screen. However, Riccio carefully paints a tapestry of realism — equal parts, pain, and humor in Give or Take. He doesn't allow Ted and Martin to sit in their distress and angst. Instead, he fleshes out their story with an assortment of illustrious outsiders. There's Cape Cod's realtor queen, Patty King (Cheri Oteri), an uproariously funny woman determined to get the house on the market. There's also Emma (Joanne Tucker), an old high school friend of Martin's, Terrence (Louis Cancelmi), an eccentric pool service guy, Lauren (Annapurna Sirimm), Martin's absent girlfriend who's "not a fan of funerals," and Colin (Jaden Waldman), the precocious little boy from next door who appears to have mastered the art of zen.
Well-acted and with elements of silliness, despite the sometimes heavy subject matter, Riccio's film though occasionally predictable, is wholly atypical. He makes it clear that Martin's anger toward his father has nothing to do with his sexuality. Instead, it has to do with the facade Ken was trying to uphold that kept his son at arm's length and allowed them to truly bond. Though Martin returns home to say goodbye, hearing stories about his father and being confronted with Ted's overwhelming pain forces him to see his father's humanity— and himself in a new light.
In the end, Give and Take is a film about the varying aspects of who we are as people. As Martin and Ted attempt to manage their pain and grief separately; eventually, it bubbles to the surface, exploding in a spectacular and slightly surprising way.